haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
