OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
