it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
