First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
