The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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