Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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