every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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