Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
