3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
