I'm so fucking centered right now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
