So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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