it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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