Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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