Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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