There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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