My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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