he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How's work?
Spinning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
