i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
