Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize