You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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