i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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