The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
