u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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