I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
