so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
