just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
