Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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