Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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