3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
