Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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