for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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