I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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