Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
