The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
