K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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