Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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