Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
