Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
