So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
