I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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