All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize