I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
