Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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