Banned from zoo.
Again?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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