Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Randomize
