My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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