I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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