I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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