508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The uberlube is also flammable
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
