im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come on in and take your pants off
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