My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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