I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
