guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
