party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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