Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
