My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
