You just made me feel so damn special
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
