I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize